Alec Baldwin’s Wife Says He Wanted To “Change Places” With Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins After “Rust” Shooting

Alec Baldwin has been struggling deeply since the 2021 Rust shooting, according to his wife, Hilaria. On episode 2 of The Baldwins, the couple’s TLC reality show, Hilaria, 41, shared that Alec, 66, was overwhelmed with guilt after cinematographer Halyna Hutchins was killed on set. She recalled finding old messages from the day after the incident where Alec expressed a heartbreaking thought — he wanted to end his own life.

Revealing that Alec “has survivor’s guilt,” Hilaria added, “You’re involved in this thing that nobody could even possibly imagine. And so he goes back to that day, he wishes it were him. He would change places [with Hutchins] in a second.”

Alec was rehearsing for the Western film in New Mexico when the prop gun he was holding fired, killing Hutchins and injuring director Joel Souza. The actor has insisted he never pulled the trigger and had no idea live ammunition was in the gun.

The couple’s reality show, which premiered on TLC in February, gives a rare glimpse into how the tragedy — and the legal battle that followed — affected Alec and their family. Hilaria revealed that his health has taken a hit, saying, “He’ll never be the same. This has affected his health and his mental health tremendously the past few years. All of a sudden, he has started having heart problems. He’s been hospitalized multiple times.”

She also recalled a terrifying moment when he fainted. “It’s hard sometimes, but hopefully, we’re in the hardest but the tail end of it,” she said.

The case against Alec was dismissed in July 2023, but the film’s armorer, Hannah Gutierrez-Reed, was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in March 2024. Since then, Alec has fired back with his own lawsuit against the prosecutors and investigators, accusing them of trying to make him the “scapegoat” despite the evidence.

In a recent interview with PEOPLE, Alec admitted he bottled up his emotions for years. “I had to stuff [feelings] down because I had seven kids. I couldn’t really go in the other room and cry or whatever,” he said.