Bethany Joy Lenz On Strained Relationship With Sophia Bush: “I…Wish I Could Turn Back Time… And Give Her A Long, Hard Hug”

Bethany Joy Lenz is getting candid about her time on One Tree Hill and the friendships that came with it — or didn’t. In her new memoir, Dinner For Vampires: Life on a Cult Show (While Also in an Actual Cult!, the 43-year-old actress reflects on her relationship with co-star Sophia Bush, revealing that while they hit it off at first, their friendship didn’t last.

When Bethany and Sophia first met, they had an instant connection. “Sophia herself was hilarious and a bit mischievous, always down for an impulsive adventure,” Bethany writes, recalling a time they even went out to adopt pit bull puppies together. But despite the fun start, Bethany admits she soon realized she couldn’t get too close to Sophia.

As she recalled, “I soon realized I wasn’t equipped to get too close to Sophia.”

“As bubbly and compassionate as she was, she was even more intelligent… Her mind could have been put to good use by NASA — except, of course, she’s so beautiful the astronauts would never want to leave Earth,” she added.

Though meant to be lighthearted, Bethany’s words revealed deeper insecurities she felt in Sophia’s presence.

Bethany, who at the time was involved in what she calls a Christian “cult,” explained that her sense of inadequacy and her religious beliefs got in the way of their budding friendship. “I was using religion as my benchmark. My budding friendship with sweet Sophia became a casualty of this, and instead of sitting shiva for my ego, I really f—ing wish I could turn back time, walk into her trailer, and give her a long, hard hug,” she writes.

The memoir also touches on Bethany’s friendship with Hilarie Burton, with whom she shared a love of vintage shopping and crafting. However, even that close bond wasn’t without complications. During a recent appearance on the Call Her Daddy podcast, Bethany opened up about misunderstandings between her and Hilarie, despite their collaboration on the One Tree Hill podcast, Drama Queens.

“I love Hilarie,, I have always and will always, and I don’t have any problem with her. There have been some bizarre misunderstandings that I really hope we can figure out one day, but I love that girl,” Bethany said during the interview. 

Despite the ups and downs with her female co-stars, Bethany maintains close ties with many other members of the One Tree Hill cast. Speaking to PEOPLE about her life now, she revealed that she recently reunited with several castmates at the 21st-anniversary convention in Wilmington. As she recalled, “I was just in Wilmington for the 21st-anniversary convention and got to hang out with Tyler Hilton andPaul Johansson and James Lafferty, and Robbie Buckley and Cullen Moss and Colin Fickes and Lee Norris. Everybody was there, including Antwon Tanner. It was mostly me and the boys, and Barbara Alyn Woods was there and Moira Kelly.”