Drew Barrymore Speaks About Learning To Embrace Big Feelings
Drew Barrymore, the beloved actress and mother of two, is opening up about a transformative piece of parenting advice that reshaped her approach to raising her daughters. On a recent episode of The Drew Barrymore Show, the 48-year-old star welcomed parenting expert and psychologist, Dr. Aliza Pressman, to share the wisdom that made a profound impact on her parenting journey.
Barrymore, a mom to daughters Olive, 11, and Frankie, 9, with ex-husband Will Kopelman, expressed her gratitude to Dr. Aliza, stating, “You specifically changed my life.” She recounted a pivotal moment from years ago when Olive was going through a challenging phase, and Barrymore’s instinct was to rush to her side and try to fix everything.
However, it turned out that Olive needed something different. “That was the last thing she needed or wanted. I didn’t understand it; she would either run away or come back at me,” Barrymore admitted. Dr. Aliza offered a simple yet powerful solution: “I understand we’re having a moment. I’m here on the other side of this door for you, waiting. When you are ready, I am here.”
Barrymore followed this advice, and the results were remarkable. “I got the best results I’ve ever gotten in my parenting from that, and it was never a way in I had thought of,” she shared with sincerity.
The conversation with Dr. Aliza shed light on a common misconception in parenting – the fear of big feelings. “I think we get so scared of the big feelings, that we want to fix them. And we’re chasing them,” remarked Dr. Aliza. Barrymore agreed, admitting, “Yes! I was literally chasing her.”
Dr. Aliza emphasized that feelings, no matter how intense, are not dangerous. The key, as she explained, is for adults to regulate themselves and recognize that these feelings are not emergencies. “It’s a feeling,” she reassured.
Barrymore recognized the evolutionary aspect of this response, acknowledging that it makes sense for parents to want their children to be happy. Dr. Aliza concurred, highlighting the importance of teaching children how to navigate their emotions, just as they learn to dress appropriately for the weather.
“We need our kids to know how to dress for the weather and not try to control the weather,” Dr. Aliza explained. “Because we can’t. So, better they understand how to have the feelings and that they are survivable and that we are not shaken.”
